I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
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