i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
he laminated a picture of his dick.
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
Randomize
