Pussy?
how
Wat do u mean how?
I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
Randomize
