Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
Boobs speak an international language.
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
I'm bleeding and have questions
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
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