I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
Randomize
