Your mouth is God's brothel.
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
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