I don't believe these are real court rooms. They look absolutely nothing like law and order.
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
For sure shouldn't do homework after beers and joints. Just cited like 3 sentences at the end with (History, 2013)
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
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