Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
Randomize
