it's business casual sex. like no kissing, shake hands after, occasional frequency
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
This beer is not sobering me up at all
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
Randomize
