none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
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