his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
Randomize
