Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
I need to sanitize my soul.
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
Questions: How did Rachel get home? Why did I find both her ID's in my shoes? And does anyone know if she's alive?
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
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