This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
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