girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
Randomize
