Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
Randomize
