How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
we're so committed to being not committed
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
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