i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
Randomize
