Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
I know it's anime porn but I promise you the guy looks like Fred Durst
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
Do you remember whose house we're in?
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
Randomize
