brad dismisses pussy with prejudice
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
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