Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
Randomize
