I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
Nhdgh I love you very much hello becausevs. Vagina pensiono
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
