Good. I was naked most of the night. But sometimes I would wear my tux vest...But only my tux vest. It was classy
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
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