Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
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