I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
It's just like the Real World with babies
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
Randomize
