anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize
