i think my tv is drunk
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
I don't even want to think what you did to boys being that drunk and horny.
Then I wouldn't suggest looking at the pictures from last night.
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
Randomize
