I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
Randomize
