I'm gonna have a badass scar
how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
Randomize
