i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
I will be naked everywhere
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
Randomize
