i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
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