I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
ISS teacher has a tramp stamp.
Shotgun.
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
Randomize
