Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
Randomize
