Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
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