apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
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