discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
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