Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize
