I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
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