Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
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