Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
Randomize
