Free body shot off of Sarah. Expires never.
I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
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