As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
Randomize
