the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
Randomize
