He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
Randomize
