Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
Still had our rainbow strip poker new years tradition. End of night we were only wearing mask.
Did you get the usual surprise pics from the strange straight you like to sprinkle in.
Randomize
