The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
Randomize
