So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
Can't talk, ducks in the car
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
Randomize
