in my opinion joe jonas is kinda pointless. hes just the pretty boy front runner.
I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
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