I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
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