she woke up with a sticky ear
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
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