I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
Randomize
